In August I’m packing up the Prius and I’m heading out on a road trip from Chicago to Maine with my sidekick, David. (I know, same name as me, it can be confusing.)

 

Since we’ll be spending a lot of time in the car I want to make it as comfortable as possible. Why not, right? I did a little search online for some things that I thought would be useful and I came across all sorts of interesting items. I could use your help deciding between some of the options, okay?

 

Car Seat Covers:

(Help me decide.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tinkerbell is fun, but maybe a bit too femmy. Maybe I should opt for the Ed Hardy covers. Those are a lot more butch, right?

 

Floor Mats:

(These are a given.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I kind of am.

 

Seat Belt Cushions:

(Too much?)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Road trips mean long days of driving, maybe as much as 8 to 10 hours,  so it might be a good idea to have a bit of extra padding on the seat belts. I came across these. What do you think? Too bougie? But then again, they aren’t Swarovski…that would be really overdoing it!

 

And Speaking of Overdoing it:

(Even I’m going to say this is a bit much!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can’t tell what kind of a car this lady is in but I’m guessing it’s pretty expensive, I mean, she’s obviously heading out to a tennis match with a friend so she must have some money and I’d guess a decent career. Don’t you think high-end cars would have enough padding in their arm rests? Why did she need to go out and get this extra cushion? Same with the neck rest. If I were her I wouldn’t be smiling so much. I’d be frowning, thinking, “Gosh, I think I overpaid for this car. The seats aren’t so comfortable after-all.”

And what’s with her bangs?  She’s never going to be able to take that visor off, they’ll be sticking straight up.

 

I Heard it Gets Cold in Maine at Night:

(I think I should invest in one of these.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They’re heated blankets that plug into the car cigarette lighter. A pretty good idea I think, especially if I decide to do a stake-out at some point on the road trip. Kind of like the Hardy Boys. I loved reading their adventures when I was a kid, and now that I think of it, weren’t they from Maine? Hmmm, it was somewhere on the East Coast.

Of course, I’d have to opt for the camouflage pattern. The thing about stake-outs is you need to drink endless cups of coffee and eat all sorts of crap while you sit there all night long watching the comings and goings at the roadhouse, or wherever you are. Spills are bound to happen so you want something that’s not going to show the jelly donut or nacho cheese stains.

 

We All Need Angels:

(Especially if we are still afraid of the dark.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m not religious, but who doesn’t love a light-up angel? Of course, I won’t be able to have her “comforting glow bathe me in a warm light” if I do choose to go on a stake-out…I’d be too noticeable. The blanket would be occupying the cigarette lighter at that point anyway.

 

The Trouble with Garbage, Solved:

(A stylish solution, no?)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s amazing how much garbage you can create on a road trip. This would be a step above hanging a plastic grocery bag on the back of the seat. Do you think it clashes with the Tinkerbell car seats though? Maybe this would be better with the Ed Hardy ones. If I go with Tink, I’ll have to see if there is another pattern.

They did have a plain black one, but that’s boring and also, black absorbs the heat. Just imagine what the car would smell like after it’s been sitting out in the sun while David and I are taking our time enjoying our Lobster Rolls in some diner. All that garbage stewing away in the heat. Ugh. Best to stick with this lighter pattern, and damn coordination!

 

Writing on the Road:

(I should get this, right?)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Look, it holds an iPad, has a writing surface (WITH…A…CLIPBOARD), holds important files and I think even has a pencil holder! How can I not get it?

I wonder if it works in the back seat too? It would be a little rude for me to force David into the back just because I wanted to do a little blogging or tax preparation and needed to set up my work station in the front. Plus, it would probably frustrate him that we were just sitting in a parking lot or off on the side of the road somewhere, not going anywhere, while I worked.  I mean, it wouldn’t exactly be safe for me to be driving AND utilizing all of the sweet features. We’d have to be stationary.

 

The Coffee Dilemma, Solved:

(I drink a lot of coffee!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s an electric kettle that plugs into your cigarette lighter! That, along with a hefty supply of Starbucks Via instant coffee, means I’d be set for many hours of driving without having to stop at a convenience store or gas station. Have you tasted the crap that they try to pass of as coffee in gas stations? Nasty.

I don’t like drinking my coffee black though so I’ll have to steal stock up on those little creamers every morning at breakfast.

 

Getting My Point Across:

(And believe me, I’ve got stuff to say to you!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This has to be one of the best accessories that I have come across. How many times have you wished that you had a sign you could hold up to tell crappy drivers on the road what you really thought of them? Well, now you can flash them a digital message as you leave them in the dust.

It has lots of emoticons and a few choice words and phrases. Nothing too vulgar. I think my favorite is the simple “Idiot”, I’d use that one a lot. I kind of wish they had one that just said “Dick” though. I’d use that more than ‘Idiot”.

 

The Obligatory Antenna Toppers:

(You can help me choose this one too.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First off, I couldn’t find a lobster topper and that would really be my first choice for this road trip. I’m sure once we head into Maine it won’t be difficult to find one and I can switch, but until then…

I thought the patriotic hat might be a good choice since we are doing a road trip in the US. I’m pretty patriotic myself if I must say so. I vote all the time. Maine is a pretty conservative state,  so I’m sure the Mainiacs will appreciate it too. And yes, that is an appropriate name for them.

But then… I came across the Fireman. Come on…who wouldn’t want one of them gripping your pole?

 

Personalized Window Graphics:

(I’m still on the fence about these.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What do you think? Too much?

I love the fact that the graphic on the first one is called “Sophie at the Beach”. Sophie is such an uncommon name these days in the US. The only Sophie I ever knew was my great Aunt; my grandfather’s sister. I remember she had a fondness for coffee cakes.  She looked nothing like this lady.

By the way, why is Sophie dousing herself with water from a shell? If she’s that hot she has a huge ocean behind her to cool off in. I don’t get it.

 

The Final Item:

(I’m really going to need this!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After pimping out the Prius we are going to have a lot of swag that might draw some attention from the criminal element. I think it might be a good idea to get this seat back gun rack, even if I don’t own a rifle. If anyone is tempted to rob us, while the car is sitting in a parking lot, maybe they’ll see it and be dissuaded. They might worry that the crazy person who owns the car might be on their way back any minute with their rifle in hand. I know I’d be worried.

Also, as a bonus, it would be perfect for holding a loaf of French bread when we go picnicking!

 

So those are a few things that I’m considering buying to help pimp out the Prius. What do you think? Do you know of something else that I might have missed? Let me know.

 

A Couple of Disclaimers:

• I do not have an affiliation with any company that has a product mentioned in this post, and I am in no way endorsing any of these items, just talking about them. Do you really think a company would accept me in their affiliate program? I highly doubt it.
• That’s not really our Prius in the photo. I was too lazy to go out and wash it and take a photo so I found this one one the internet instead.

Chicago to Maine, August 2011

In my last post I told you that my summer travel plans included a two-week road trip that we wanted to do from Chicago to Maine. I asked for advice on places to go and things to see. I realize that my call for help was pretty broad…well, very broad… like saying to someone, “I like food, what should I eat?” I knew that I would need to follow up with some specific guidelines so that you’d know me a little better and understand the things that I like (or dislike) when I’m traveling. Today I’m going to start with some likes; just a quick list to get us going.

 

I Like:

Corn

 

Corn on the cob, corn niblets, corn cakes, corn fritters, popcorn, I’m from the Midwest, and corn is in our blood. It’s everywhere, and I love it. Yeah, I’m from Chicago, not a hotbed of farming, but I only need to drive a short distance to find myself surrounded by cornfields. They’re everywhere.

 

For me, one of the highlights of summer is getting fresh corn on the cob and throwing it into a pot of boiling water, or tossing it, husks and all, onto the barbeque and then eating it. When you get the perfect ear of corn you don’t even need to add butter or salt. It’s amazing on it’s own.

 

In spite of living in an area of the country surrounded by corn, you might be surprised by my telling you that I have never been in a corn maze. And for those of you who don’t know what that is, every fall after the corn has been harvested and the dry stalks are all that is left standing in the fields, some farmers will cut elaborate mazes into their fields and then charge an admission for people to try to work their way through it. Usually the money they make is given to a charity or to help support the local high school football team. (Otherwise, who’s really going to want to pay a guy to walk through his cornfield?)

 

While I like doing puzzles of all kinds, and mazes were always a treat when I came across them in one of those books my family would give to me to “keep me occupied” in the back seat of the car on road trips, the thought of actually stepping into a life-sized maze kind of terrifies me. What if a bunch of grasshoppers, or perhaps a swarm of killer bees, attacked me while going through the maze? I wouldn’t be able to scream and make a beeline out of there. I’d have to work my way back through the maze and the pressure of that, along with a swarm of killer bees or grasshoppers hot on my tail would be too much. I could have a heart attack. Maybe my body wouldn’t be found until the maze season was over and the farmer came out to plow down the field. Why risk it.

 

Aside from the corn maze though, I like just about anything else related to corn.

 

• So, do you know of any Corn Fests on the east coast that will be occurring in August?

• Is your niece running for Creamed Corn Queen somewhere? I could be a judge.

• Do you frequent a restaurant that has killer succotash? Let me know.

• How about a giant ear of corn that I can walk around in, maybe it’s got a spiral staircase that leads up to an observation deck. That would be fun.

 

 

Pilgrimy Things

 

As a boy I had a bit of an obsession with Pilgrims; I couldn’t get enough of their story. I loved reading the chapters about the Mayflower and early American settlers in my history books. Every school year we would start off with the discovery of America, and by late fall, just in time for Thanksgiving, we would get to the chapters on the early settlers. Captain John Smith and Pocahontas were my heroes. I daydreamed about the lives they lived and thought it would be cool to be like them. I don’t think that’s very unusual for a boy, do you? (Well, I didn’t want to be Pocahontas, I just thought she was cool).

 

What I do find unusual is that nowadays kids are more obsessed with Snooki and Justin Bieber; they have become the new heroes. C’mon, no comparison, those two would certainly not last long in the wild American frontier. I bet Snooki can’t make her own candles or sew deerskins into anything resembling a garment, and The Biebs wouldn’t get too far singing and dancing around a campfire pow wow, his scalp would certainly be too great of a temptation for others.

 

Because of the Pilgrims we have Thanksgiving, and as a kid I loved the Thanksgiving holiday. I think I even liked it more than Christmas! Sure, the presents that Santa brought me were great, but on Thanksgiving my grandmother always made me a banana cream pie (my palette hadn’t developed enough to appreciate pumpkin pie yet) and since I was the only one in the family that liked banana cream, I got to eat all of it.

 

In school every year, in preparation for the holiday, we would make decorations for our mom’s refrigerators: outlines of our hands on pieces of construction paper that we would turn into turkeys. Mine were always the most colorful and over the top, looking more like peacocks than gobblers and I’d proudly bring them home and present them to my mother who would smile, thank me, and file it away in a box. They never made it to the refrigerator door. My mom had her own obsessions, one of which included not marring the refrigerator door with bits of scotch tape or scratches from a magnet.

 

Do you know any places of Pilgrim interest that I should visit on my road trip?

Maybe one of those  replica villages that high school teenagers wind up working at during their summer break because they didn’t apply to the Starbucks or Old Navy early enough to get the good jobs.  A village that I can wander around, watching a blacksmith demonstration or a candle-making seminar? Maybe get the chance to milk a cow. As a bonus, if the village has a stockade, I’ll even risk my pride and stick my head and arms in it to take a picture. I’ll send you a copy.

 

 

Pickle Barrels

 

We’ll be going through New England so there’s got to be a pickle barrel still in use somewhere, right? Maybe on some backcountry road in Vermont or New Hampshire? At a small town mercantile in upstate New York where you can find old men in rocking chairs sitting on the porch playing checkers? Gents that will eye you with suspicion when you walk up to ask for directions (“Hello sir, we heard there was a Corn Fest near these parts, do you know where?”), but then smile and offer you a glass of lemonade to cool yourself off, and then point to the barrel next to the sleeping coon hound and say, “And if you like, reach in and grab yourself a pickle.” That still happens somewhere in America, doesn’t it? I’d like to find that.

 

 

Souvenir Shops

 

My reaction to souvenir shops is the equivalent of the little island naïf that is lured into the hands of the dashing, yet evil buccaneer waving a pearl handled trinket in front of her face, “Ooh, shiney-shiney!” It’s the same reaction I have when entering an office supply or hardware store. I’m enthralled by all of the over-stuffed bins and shelves. I want to touch everything. I can wander around for hours picking up things and imagining how my life would be that much better if I just owned it.

 

Do I really need a slingshot made from real wood and hand-tooled leather with a few brightly colored feathers dangling from its carrying strap? Hmmm. No, I guess not, I’m 46 years old and so far I haven’t been in the need of a slingshot, but still… How about the oversized tablet that you submerge in a bucket of water, only to have a full sized beach towel unfurl before your eyes? Cool! That would be convenient for those unexpected days at the beach, but unless I can find the matching tablet that turns into board shorts, I’m going to have to pass. I mean, if I stumble upon a beach unexpectedly and decide I want to jump into the surf, my first priority should be keeping my loins covered, not drying off my naked body as the police arrest me for lewd behavior.

 

When I see a display of mugs or key chains with names painted or engraved on them I am immediately drawn to it. I wind up searching for my name even if I have no real interest in the item. David is such a common name that in most cases it can be difficult to find. It’s already been picked over and the space for it on the self is usually bare. Daniel, Daryl…Dennis, damn! Oh, why didn’t my parents have the good sense to name me Alvin or Stanley, you can always find those!

 

Do you know of any great gift shops in upstate New York, Vermont, New Hampshire or Maine?

Maybe I can find a cool, log-cabin shaped tin of Maple syrup, or a bottle opener made from a lobster claw. What about Montreal? What kind of souvenirs can you find there? A baguette paperweight maybe? What’s your favorite souvenir? It’s probably a snow globe of some sort, right? Those are pretty popular.

 

 

Lobster

 

I like Lobster but honestly I haven’t had much of it in my life. I’m looking forward to getting to Maine and overindulging. I work with someone that grew up on the east coast and she raves about Lobster rolls so I’m looking for the perfect one of those, even though to me they just sound like a glorified version of tuna salad. If you have a suggestion for the best place to get a Lobster roll, let me know.

 

Should I go on one of those boats that take you out onto the ocean to pull lobster traps, or is that just corny?

 

I downloaded the Maine Lobster app for my iPad (yep, there’s an app for that). I thought it might help on my quest for all things lobster, but I’d really rather have information from people who have been there. The thing about these free apps is you never know who is paying to have their information included in the app. It does have some interesting “fun facts” about lobsters though.

 

• Did you know that in addition to the dark green/blue color, live Maine lobsters can also be bright blue, yellow or white? How exotic!

 

• Lobsters don’t have a brain. They have a simple nervous system.

 

• Lobsters can live to be 100 years old! How do they know that? Do you think someone kept one as a pet and they had to keep passing it on to family members as they became too old to take care of it? Kind of like Parrots.

 

 

So there’s my quick list of a few things that I like.

Maybe it will help you with any suggestions on things that we should do on our road trip to Maine this August. If you have any other suggestions, let me know, I mean, there are certainly other things that I like in life:

 

I also like brussel sprouts, liver and onions, wigwams, hot dogs, beets, driving down winding roads, starry nights, beer fests, campfires (without the camping part), trains, pulling off at mega rest stops on the turnpike, and drinking coffee. Stuff like that. Okay, that’s good for now.

 

Let me know what your suggestions are.